The Commander
by N Tonks Fan
Summary: Set just after S2Ep15. Following Lexa as she retreats from the Battlefield.


**Set just after Lexa and the Grounders retreat from the the battle. This moment was such a shocker for me, I felt personally betrayed by Lexa ha ha! So it's sort of Clexa, I'm more of a Bellarke fan to be honest but I just love Lexa!**

**...**

Lexa strode away from the battlefield not daring to turn and look back at Clarke. Despite what she led others to believe she did care about the fate of Clarke and the other Sky people. She had not made the decision lightly. The angst of abandoning Clarke when she needed her the most was overwhelming but the duty to her own people came first. It always would. As the commander she had to forfeit personal agendas and focus on the bigger picture.

She could still see the confusion on Clarke's face slowly turning into recognition as she realised what had taken place. Lexa had longed to reach out to her but could not bring herself to do so. She was in the midst of battle, she was the commander of an army of thousands, she had to appear strong. She had forced herself to stare into Clarke's eyes so full of raw hurt. She would have preferred her to have been angry. Anger was something she was used to but the look of anguish on Clarke's face as she realised her people were lost was difficult for Lexa to process. People rarely placed this much faith in Lexa, especially people that she cared for. It somehow magnified Clarke's suffering and her own. For she was suffering on the inside, she just could not afford to let it show.

What she hadn't told Clarke was that she had tried to negotiate with the Mountain men for the safe return of the prisoners from the Ark but to no avail. It made little difference whether Clarke knew this information or not. All Lexa would be to her now was a traitor.

For a brief moment she had considered rejecting the offer and continuing with the battle. They had a solid plan after all and certainly enough man power but then she thought back to the lives that had already been lost in the explosion. Lives that could have been saved but that she had chosen to be collateral damage. For the greater good. Clarke had been right when she accused Lexa of feeling for the lives of those that had been lost. She did not regret the decision she made, leaders had no time for regret but it still troubled her.

Lexa had grown to enjoy Clarke's companionship as it was lonely being the leader but it was a burden that the pair of them shared. She had even let herself trust Clarke and had hesitantly started to develop stronger feelings for the other girl. She had shocked even herself when she had admitted these feelings to Clarke. Ever since Costia had been killed she had vowed to never feel like that for another again. It made her vulnerable as a leader and gave the appearance of weakness. The thought of being put through the emotional pain of losing someone that she loved as much as she had loved Costia was too much to bear. Tonight however she had lost Clarke one way or another for if she didn't get killed in battle the chances of her ever reciprocating Lexa's feelings after being betrayed by her were slim.

Clarke and the other Sky people were the only thoughts that occupied Lexa's mind as they neared the grounders camp. She barely gave a thought to the people that had been returned to them that night or the fact that there had been few casualties of war. She prayed that whatever happened that Clarke would be safe. She was a smart leader but too often she let her personal feelings interfere with important decisions. Lexa had been trying to teach her the importance of ruling with her head and at times she had succeeded.

Lincoln was being dragged along beside her. She cast a glance at him and saw on him the same tortured expression that had been reflected on Clarke's face. She returned his glance with cold eyes.

"A deal is a deal Lincoln. You may spend more time with the Sky People than us but you are still a Grounder and the deal was that all of our people had to retreat," she told him.

"But Octavia-"

"Is not one of us," she interjected. "Her place is with her people."

"You don't mean that!" Lincoln yelped. "You're the one that fought so hard for this alliance. You angered a lot of people with your decision to work with the Sky People, especially after they killed so many of our warriors. How many of our own did you end up killing when they defied the alliance? Even your own right hand man?"

"Enough!" Lexa commanded. "I stand by all of the decisions that I have made. I'm the Commander not you. My duty is to protect our people and that is what I have always done no matter what the consequences."

She was shaken by Lincoln's words, especially because they rang so true. She had sacrificed a lot for this alliance to work and she had thrown it all away in the end. Thrown away Clarke too…

Lexa was disturbed from her thoughts by their arrival back at Camp. Cheers erupted and they began chanting her name. She forced her steely exterior back into place and quietened the crowd by raising her hand.

"Tonight we welcome back the return of our people and celebrate the end of our battle with the Mountain Men!" She cried. "Tonight we eat. Tonight we drink and tonight we remember those that we lost along the way!"

The Grounders resumed their chanting as she raised her sword in the air. This was what it was all for. All the hard decisions, the loneliness, the sacrifices. It was about being a commander that was respected and one that would hopefully go down in history. This was who she was – The Commander. This was the life that was chosen for her and she would not want it any other way.

...

**I hope you liked it! I just love Lexa and the fact that she has her strong commander side but then her more vulnerable, sweeter side too. I tried to bring both sides across in this, hopefully I succeeded!**


End file.
